TEST

this is a test of the email thing... bear with me here.
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as of late

I have another new song at http://www.myspace.com/flubmasterq. "holy spirit come"
ummmm... it's a bit of a turning point in the plum tree. allowing the Spirit to come in, allowing Him to work. realizing that He IS with me, "even when there is no difference to me and my demons."
Trevor Hicks is over at my "studio" recording some songs. he makes good Jesus music sometimes. I think he sings to much though. there's a place for singing in the House of God and there's a time for praise... and I think there's a distinct difference. Trevor's a beautiful instrumentalist. he plays things that make me weep even though his bitter bitter heart has been revealed to me. he's a fool, yes... but God still uses him. in incredible ways.
I want to be used. I'm ready to be used... and I know God uses me. like crazy. but I want a distinction. I'm just a kid with no purpose but to live in His Presence... which I'm perfectly content with. I love His Presence, it's the only place I belong... but sometimes I just wish I had some gift.
joking around with some friends at a bonfire last night(so sick of bonfires by the way. it's all I do anymore), the conversation of our futures arose. the one there who actually is in college is the one we all know is going to unfortunately be some radio millionaire. the rest somehow know. musicians and pilots... I have the best friends. I made the comment that I wish I could just start some spiritual uprising the caused me to be a great leader and never have to actually go to school. "when I woke up this morning, I decided that I'm gonna be a PROPHET!" if only that were true.
I'm complaining but this is my heart. the Lord gives and I take. I'm a little sick of it. I'm ready to go home.
oh. last night I had the strangest encounter with the Lord. I was laying in bed listening to Misty Edwards and everything went silent(but I could still hear, ya know?) and I felt a wind blowing on the back of my neck only. then it quit. and I was... frightened. there's something bigger here and I'm ready to find out, Lord.
God is working in me in the weirdest ways. at the Spiritual Hunger Conference last weekend(SO much glory), I went walking around the hotel next door to the Convention Center and it was like the beginning of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where the door is way to small but when they get out of the room it's huge... my perception of everything was so skewed. everything was spiraling. gajulagnwhaz.
I'm uncomfortable. I think it's a good thing. or will be a good thing in the future, rather.

"I don't believe in love anymore, not from those around me that have loved before. from their broken promises and failed attempts, knowing when it's easy to come in."
I feel so burdened lately. I need to meet someone that is sincere. the few I've met that supposedly were only have used my insecurities against. I'm sick of it. I'm waiting for this purple gaze to turn majestic, Lord.

I have a new song up at http://www.myspace.com/camerongorman. I'd love feedback.
basically... I've been feeling very despondent. in the ripest of terms. I feel... away. but never closer. dry but wet. dry ice!
this morning while I worshiped I wanted to capture this feeling spirhythmically(spirit + rhythm = music). the Lord told me to focus on the color purple. the song "you are here" is what came out. it's rough. it only took me two hours to write and record so don't expect greatness.
shortly after I recorded it I visited some family friends that just bought a house with five plum trees. purple. The Plum Tree.

please... take some time and look at people. expose yourself.

people c'mon

one thing I've noticed about people is how insecure they get when they're NOT in large groups of prople. they love love love all their friends but wonder which ones love them - are those friends just their friend for the sake of the group or do they truly care for them? it's always a "we all" type thing, everyone's afraid of inviting people to hang out alone.
I'm at Pig Out at the Park right now(hallelujah smartphones) and people are just so much fun. I spend too much time around them, I think. I decided about a week ago that I enjoy drumming so much because it's the only time I get alone to sit and think and worship on my own terms. a lot of the time I'm clueless of the fact that I'm even playing (to) anything.
I read an article earlier on secular music and dead worship. "If He can do us a favor and paint the sky every morning and night, then the least we could do is stop singing crappy songs."
to me, there IS such a thing as crappy music. yes, even if it's worship. I used to have the verse memorized but now I don't remember it... something along the lines of "Oh, to play our instruments and to PLAY THEM WELL for You, God." people seem to skip the "well" part of that. oh WELL. time to go stuff myself in bad overpriced food that will probably kill me.

sleeeeep

if you've talked to me about anything somewhat worth mentioning twice in real life, you've noticed that I say "I think" before pretty much every sentence. that's because...
MY OPINION IS MY OPINION AND MINE ALONE. I do not say I'm right! I do not say I disagree with you! all I'm saying is what I THINK and MY opinion.
I'm really exhausted. school is obnoxious but today Stephanie and Taysia took me and Tiffany and some girl I don't know to lunch and it was really good but I got a large McFlurry on accident and ate it all and now I feel sick. haha. I'm so glad I exist. I really am.
I really have nothing to say... I really have nothing to say. this is a first, and it's been happening to me for the past couple days. for once in my life I'm without an annoyance, opinion, thought, comment, or anything of the like. I enjoy this feeling.

dancing to the windy beat the beach makes

I really like cute things. likeee... I don't know. things that you can only describe with "awwww!" and a long happy sigh.
everything feels so weird for me right now and I'm not sure why. I feel like people enjoy me. ew.
my friends are a lot cooler than me. Jacob Friend(lawl) writes a blog 'cause he's in Japan for a year and it's so rad. http://gaijinjake.blogspot.com
Trevor Hicks has a new song and aaahhh he's brilliant. I'd definitely approve of a double portion of that Spirit outpouring on him yesplz. http://www.purevolume.com/trevorhicks

goodness gracious am I alive! I wish I were an old lady. I REALLY wish I were an old lady.
I feel the sun beat on me, I feel the sand beneath my feet, mmmmmmmm it's good to be with you
takin' a walk in my bare feet, singin' a song to the beat of Your heart, it's good to be with You
la da dee da da da dee daaaa to be with You!